what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
