Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
