My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
