Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
