Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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