I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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