god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
