I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
