I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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