I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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