this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
