so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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