I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
