Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
