Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
