What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
