hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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