Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
