see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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