Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
