My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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