Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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