4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
