I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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