I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
