He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
