if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
