Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
