Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Randomize
