he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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