True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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