i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
