Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
