please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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