dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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