I want to have your abortion
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
