how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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