Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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