Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
