You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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