all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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