There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
