Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
