I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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