he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
