Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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