she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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