That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
