Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
