I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she pinky promised me she was 18
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
